Self-Help Myths: Be Yourself

July 18th 2007   Self-Help Myths   9 comments

Welcome to another post on self-help myths where I take a personal development concept (in previous posts I looked at confidence and procrastination) and discuss the flaws behind it or take on an alternative perspective. This week I will look at the concept of “being yourself” and discuss how the statement is horribly flawed.

The big problem is that a lot of people don’t really know or understand themselves that well. When they are told to be themselves, they are more likely to go around consciously acting out an image of themselves which is more influenced by how a person views themselves, how they want to be viewed, and how they think others view them. Ironically, they probably acted more like their true selves before they ever took the advice.

It’s especially dangerous when the statement is taken at face value. If you always act like an idiot, you can use it as an excuse not to change. It also creates the illusion that certain actions are “not you” and allows you to use that as an excuse to explain away reckless/silly actions.

The advice to be yourself is true to a point, but only as part of a bigger statement. Unfortunately it tends to be used as a soundbite without much explanation to follow it. It’s certainly not as marketable, but what they really mean is to understand yourself, then make the best of yourself and always look to improve and evolve yourself.

People naturally evolve and grow throughout their lives, and if you are consciously aware of it you can influence that process, and actively take measures to become a better person. Plus, a person who understands themselves more ultimately comes across as more natural and aware of the pros and cons of their personality.

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Reader discussion

R u serious? B yourself? You must be some rich kid who has never worked a day in your privileged life. The rest of us have to kiss ass or change character in school work and home. Terrible advice buddy

Comments like yours always make me laugh… buddy, R U serious?

I love your post! And I agree - most of us don’t know who we are because we’re staying so busy and we don’t want to find out cause we might not like who we are! I’ve included all that and how to learn to trust yourself in my new book - Help Is Not A Four-Letter Word: Why Doing It All Is Doing You In published by McGraw Hill. It reveals a never before discussed self-defeating behavior I call The Self-Sufficiency Syndrome where many of us can’t ask for help, do everything all by ourselves and are heading for burnout. Hope you’ll take a look!

This is an interesting series.

I’ve had this idea for a while that we (read: I) build up this idea of ‘who we are’. Sometimes we actually possess the traits that this idealized homo nucleus possesses, sometimes we don’t. I’ve felt for a long time that if you claim to have one trait, but consistently find yourself acting out in another way, then you have to look at your actions for the ‘real you’. If you then find yourself acting in a way inconsistent with your self-view, you can either change your self-view, or if you are truly dedicated to it, change your actions. For years I was convinced that I was a very shy person until I looked at how easily I talk to people once I knew them for a few minutes. I looked at my actions, and realized that what I was seeing was my introversion, not shyness.

Thanks for the comment. I can relate to your introversion/shyness remark. Initially I can be quite reserved with someone, however once I get to know them I’m very chatty. Knowing that this is the way I am and interacting with people in a way that suits me is actually more constructive than beating myself up for being introverted and trying to force myself to be outgoing with strangers.

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